Emotional Regulation

pvrletitia
Jul 3
3 min read

Updated: Aug 12

I recently had the privilege to participate in a Triad presentation on Emotional Regulation. It was a great learning experience, which I would like to share .

I would say, the #1 lesson we learned through our research is that it became very clear this is a well and often written about and very broad subject. There is so much information available that we found it overwhelming to know where to begin and what information to use. Over time, some of the information has become out-dated and some is more neuro myth than fact. However a great deal of interest and time has been put into learning how best to regulate our emotions. Which also tells me this is a subject that applies to many.

How often have you wished you had not said the things you did because you were emotional, angry, sad, overwhelmed, frustrated? I know I do. There are many interactions that I wish I could re-do.

I learned this is not about denying our emotions. We do not regulate emotions by learning to not 'feel' emotional, but rather to fully understand our emotions as best as we can. Emotions are not going to go away, or be suppressed for long. Rather by embracing our emotions we can become familiar enough to regulate them. Emotional Granularity is the 'ability to recognize, label and distinguish between various nuanced emotional states'. We must possess the 'words' to describe 'how' we feel and the ability to effectively convey them. American psychologist Robert Plutchik created the Wheel of Emotions in 1980. The Emotion Wheel has become one of the more well used tools to help us learn how to categorize our emotions. Dr Plutchik proposed there are 8 primary emotions that serve as the foundation for all others. Learning to identify your emotions is the beginning of regulating your emotions.

What happens when we feel these emotions but can't regulate? What can we do?

For this blog, let's look at a few of the many different ways we can affect how we regulate. As I mentioned, this is a broad subject, with lots of information. Start here with some basic tools and then there are many more to explore.

Environment First Approach

When you find yourself in a situation where you know your emotional state is not in control it can help to utilize your 5 basic senses.

Name 5 things you can see
4 things you can feel
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste

These 5 steps will help anchor you in the present moment and away from the overwhelming emotions.

Create a calming space. The external order can promote an internal order, sense of control and peace. Tidy one small area - your desk, your bedside table. Add a calming scent - lavender, lower the lighting if possible, play some calming music.

When possible proactively choose your environment. Often we know what type of interaction or surroundings are going to stimulate us. Choose to not attend or possibly bring a friend who can help.

The above is an Outside In Approach, next time we visit this subject. Let's look at some tools from a Top Down Approach.

I am looking forward to our next discovery.

Coaching Question:

What will change for you when you can regulate your emotions?